Me. At least after what I've been through.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
