let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
