last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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