I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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