when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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