I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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