The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
