There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
