yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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