I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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