that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
