We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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