Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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