How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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