Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
