i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
