We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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