is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
