You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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