The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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