He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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