i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
