Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
