Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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