so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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