I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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