I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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