We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
