I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
