Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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