im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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