Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
