He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
