I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
