I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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