I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
