When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
