Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
