I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
