If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
