Don't make out with my wife yet
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
