and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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