In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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