This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
