You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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