Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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