I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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