I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
