he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
