he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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