Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
