no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
