Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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