i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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