Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
