just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
