She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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