it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
