does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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