new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
