she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
