What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
