I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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