Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
