dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
