Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
