ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
