I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize