Me too!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
