So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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